Alpha Womaness Part 1: My Story

I'M BACK!

Is it Halloween yet because I went GHOST! LOL
(My sense of humor clearly did not leave)

I honestly have no clue why I haven't been blogging. I think I have been trying to fill that time by going to sleep or catching up on social media accounts, etc. Speaking of, I recently got in my first argument about the Black Lives Matter movement so my stance on that is another topic coming soon. It will definitely bring the focus back on Blacks and women (my two platforms) for this blog.

Anyway, this information from this blog post references the personality traits mentioned in an article about "Dating an Alpha Female".

This post is to clear the air for my readers about what it means to be an Alpha Female... from my personal experiences.

My History
If you would have ask my eleven year old self what I thought about my 21 year old self, she would not fathom the mere IMAGE of me and how I have developed. Here's why: In my younger years, I suffered from low self-esteem and confidence. I was always comparing myself to someone else that I admired or wanted to be. Being me was not cool, fun, or attractive. I had very bad eczema and was being bullied because of it. I also was quiet and shy; I was the biggest crybaby you'd ever met. If you knew me, I talked to you but was very insecure. I'm not sure what point in my life I got tired of being the quiet one that everyone pushed over but I got sick of it. I began to speak out without a filter; whatever I thought in my head, I said it out loud. Although later in life this helped me come out of my shell, I was still all "talk" and no action aka the world's biggest crybaby! I was the one stepping on others and others continue to step on and tease me. When was enough enough?

Somehow, some way, through other people in my life (youth pastor, pageant recruiter, my old employers, mom, dad, etc.), I began to stand up for myself and {somewhat} control my voice and my actions. I realized I valued friends and people who did not value me either and I STILL have that problem until this day. Those others saw something in me that I did not see in myself.

I had to learn to stop looking for others to encourage and empower me and do it myself. You are your biggest fan and hater. I had to learn that through experiences, step by step, and one day at a time. God prepared me for a time such as this. I was told I was a strong leader. A leader? I was scared of that word and still am. It is hard for me to embrace it. So I embrace my INDEPENDENCE!

The Alpha Female kicks in
I am very much an independent person! I learned how to do this especially coming to college. I encountered a lot of people who could not eat, sleep, or do anything without the company of someone else. Freshmen year, I was like that until I realized that I was all I can count on to do things that I wanted to do, etc. I did not want anyone else to hold me back or stop me from having fun or doing what I want to do when I want to do it! I stopped waiting on friends and started embracing "doing" for myself. I also learned that I was always told a bunch of things but not seeing anyone back it up. I decided to be a person of my word and live by my own standard. If I do not want someone to make me a promise I could not keep, I am not going to do that to someone else.

Trusting people was not easy for me either. I had a lot of people break my heart through their actions or words and I can honestly say that it has made me stronger in the end. My joy was robbed and my confidence in people was beginning to fade. I had my own confidence and self-esteem to rely on myself to get things done and encourage myself. I was always a difficult person but I realized it during this stage in my life. However, I am still a softee at heart; that same girl who was sensitive still lives inside of me. Now what? The alpha female has a weakness...

Lessons Learned
Being a strong, confident, independent woman is fine but it does clash with a lot of other personalities. I learned that I am a very flat, straight-to-the-point, independent woman... still! Therefore, when I say different things it gets perceived in different ways and with that, unfortunately, is me being misunderstood! I am definitely still learning about controlling my words and ESPECIALLY my facial expressions. (Side note: I show every emotion I feel on my face, body language, and gestures.) I do not mean to but that's who I am. That is the thing that people misconstrue... not everyone has the same personality and technique of talking to others.

I say these things or make this point to encourage you to BE YOURSELF! Being myself gets me in trouble sometimes, however, I choose to work on things that I want to work on not what others want me to work on in order to please them. I went through that stage of pleasing others and gossiping/fishing for justification in others, etc. (See "Identity Crisis") It gets tiring and old for me. Why circulate so much negativity and distort my confidence? I cannot change because others want me to change but because I want to change.

From my interaction with a couple of other Alpha Females, it is hard for us when we are ourselves in this "alpha" role and others are discouraged to approach us. Yes, it is hard to do so but planning out how you approach us are essential. I learned from being an alpha female that I have to use my dominance to benefit myself and others but in a positive way.


Here's something I wish I would've known before but glad I know now.
http://iamsophianelson.com/2015/03/08/special-for-iwd-2015-the-5-women-friends-you-do-not-need-in-your-life-if-you-want-to-soar-by-sophia-a-nelson/