Without a Father

If you have been a reader of my blogs for awhile, you know that I did a post called "Missing Something: Filling a Void" years ago! I highly encourage you to read it now or after reading this posting. I highlighted the some of the relationship developments when you are missing a parent in your life. I concluded that fathers are the models of all relationships while mothers are the models for nurturing those relationships. In this post, we will focus on nurturing a father relationship and the dynamics that can come from not having a father present.

My Thoughts
One thing I've learned, including within my own father's role in my life, is that men actually do want to be better fathers than the men before them. It is a part of their nature to be the man of the house, dominate, and lead. Having the role of a father helps accomplish this sense of influence and power. Some men do not know what it looks like or means to be a father to a child because they did not have the best examples of who a father should be in their own lives. Therefore two things happen 1. They do not accept the role and/or push their children away. Or 2. They try their best to collect (observe and assume) who a father is or should be. So no one knows how to actually be a father which affects both the daughter and the son. This is how generational habits ("curses" seemed to be a loaded term in this context) start because they had no one before them to learn from. The daughters would possibly grow up being confused on who a husband/father is supposed to be and do for their children whereas the son will have the same issues his own father had (not knowing how to properly be one). They will fear that they will not make a good father but some persevere those thoughts and still make an effort (I wish I could do a study to get real facts & numbers). Some fathers do not make excuses for not being capable of fulfilling their role and duty. It comes down with the responsibility that comes with great honor. Not everyone is ready and capable of receiving this honor. Hence why Father's Day is so awkward.

Side Note: As an adult now, I realize that our parents are not perfect. AT. ALL! They had all the answers growing up as I was younger but I found out that they were just figuring things out as they went along like I'm doing now. Wow! To me, this was a total mind blown realization! You mean to tell me that everything in my parents' lives did not result from their exact calculations and planning?? That they tell you one thing with certainty and look it up later to make sure they told you right? It amazes me! Not everyone is like that but we all came from different generations and times. Our parents did a lot in secret and aimed high for achievements and sought any opportunity to overcome their circumstances. In our generation, we put things out there, blur the lines, are easily influenced by the media (social media platform mostly), and tend to seek opportunities that fulfill our true purpose versus something that will make us money and get us out of our current situations. We see our parents' dreams and dream bigger... supposedly.

Anyways! When it's Father's Day, we don't see fathers receiving a lot of credit for the contribution of one's life. Who is a father? Do you have kids but not in their lives? Do we still call you a father? Do we celebrate it? We have all these questions!

I absolutely do not have any answers to that but I will say that we should still give fathers more love! Because they are not perfect and they fight soooo many "caves" and battles in their minds. They have to be courageous, "Be a Man", and uphold the family. It's a heavier responsibility than a mother (according to society... and the Bible). Just because you may have had a bad relationship with your father and he has done terrible things in your life, I think acknowledging the lack of representation/roles, communication, and desire to mature into the role is conversation needing to be had. It is a start to improving and nurturing that relationship that needs growth. And fathers need to be open minded, open hearted/vulnerable, and willing to listen when it comes things changing.
I just wish the father and or male community would address the man caves...




And that was the surface levels of my thoughts.